Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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