my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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