that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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