I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
