we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
