You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
