dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
