There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Randomize
