Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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