I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
