At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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