im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
