my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
