I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
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