Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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