I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
