Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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