why didn't you poke me back
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Randomize
