I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
