Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
