I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
My vagina is very pro this idea
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
