A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
What a dumb baby whore.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
