so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Drunk is not a location!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
