i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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