I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
