He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
