listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
