The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
