I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It's shark week go big or go home
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
