i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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