I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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