I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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