I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
