I must be too annoying 4 u.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
