I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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