She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
