Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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