after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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