watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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