i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
