She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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