Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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