He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
