i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
