member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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