I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
