My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
My pussy is not your playground.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
