I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
