That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
