I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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