My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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